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For the first time in a long while, I just finished my 3 day workout routine. I won't lie: I am hurting everywhere. But this is good. I've suddenly found myself interested in "getting back in shape". That is, back to where I used to be. I really don't want to be as obsessed as I was, but I do want to live healthy and enjoy the rewards that come from doing so.

Lately it seems I've been suffering a lot physically. I swear I have heart palpatations, I get really bad anxiety attacks, my body hurts in odd places sometimes, you name it. Maybe the age is finally kicking in.

I bought my microbiology book today which put me out $170. And that was just the lecture book. The lab manual is $60 which I'll have to hold off until next paycheck. I've been doing really good with the whole "maintaining a budget" thing. The only thing I've really splurged on myself with is buying my new pair of Nike's ($27), a Starbucks coffee ($2), a Jamba Juice ($4), and 4 Mrs. Fields' cookies ($3). That's $36 that I've actually gotten to spend on myself from my hard-earned money. The rest? Bills... and slowly climbing out of debt. The funny thing is, when you don't have money to spend, you see all the things you really like and would like to buy. When you do have money to spend, you don't really "see anything you like".

And school starts in a couple of weeks...
Off to the races we go!

I dont like being made fun of, joked about, etc. I believe this stems from my childhood, being raised in an abusive environment. As I go along living each day, I found out more and more that I am truly the consequence of a harsh reality at a young, tender, and quite impressionable age. There are things that I can change, others that I don't know how to change, and still things that I refuse to change.

Sometimes I like to blame my parents. Sometimes my childhood.

Other times I like to be progressive with cognitive awareness of my self and who I truly am (or can be).

I find it easier now at this age to just quiet myself for a moment, step back and analyze the situation I've encountered.

These past few months, I'd say since about August of 2006 or so, I've done a lot of self searching. This was triggered by events that brought my life to a halt, causing me to abandon everything I've known and learned about myself in public and private situations, leaving me with a long journey ahead of attempting to "re-invent the wheel", so to speak. My approach to much of my life has taken its dips to the lows with exuberant launching into highs which all in all still leave me questioning for truth.

The only truth I've found as of now extends to what I can see and touch around me. Quite a futile belief after having been raised in a strict, conservative, Christian home.

Little by little, progress, hope, and faith lead and point to unknowns that in due time will be revealed to an unadultered heart.

Today, being the first day of the year, started off with a bit of a hangover, but nothing I couldn't handle. Actually, I didn't do much of the drinking last night... oh no. That was done by my better half, the one that I told earlier in the night that she needed to eat something before going out to our "open-bar-new-year's-eve-drink-o-rama-bash". Needless to say, she was hugging the porcelain throne late last night.

At any rate, the new year has kicked in and I spent the first day working.

Those who know me well would say right away that I love my job... and I do. However, there are certain aspects of my job I do not care for. One of them being the seemingly bi-polar assistant manager we have. I would indulge this matter more, but I am exhausted from trying to maintain my composure at work.

With that, I think I will have to call it an early night and get some recovery sleep from the long weekend.