.

I dont like being made fun of, joked about, etc. I believe this stems from my childhood, being raised in an abusive environment. As I go along living each day, I found out more and more that I am truly the consequence of a harsh reality at a young, tender, and quite impressionable age. There are things that I can change, others that I don't know how to change, and still things that I refuse to change.

Sometimes I like to blame my parents. Sometimes my childhood.

Other times I like to be progressive with cognitive awareness of my self and who I truly am (or can be).

I find it easier now at this age to just quiet myself for a moment, step back and analyze the situation I've encountered.

These past few months, I'd say since about August of 2006 or so, I've done a lot of self searching. This was triggered by events that brought my life to a halt, causing me to abandon everything I've known and learned about myself in public and private situations, leaving me with a long journey ahead of attempting to "re-invent the wheel", so to speak. My approach to much of my life has taken its dips to the lows with exuberant launching into highs which all in all still leave me questioning for truth.

The only truth I've found as of now extends to what I can see and touch around me. Quite a futile belief after having been raised in a strict, conservative, Christian home.

Little by little, progress, hope, and faith lead and point to unknowns that in due time will be revealed to an unadultered heart.